Warrior > Worrier

 in - spi - ra - tion 

1. the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. 

2. a sudden brilliant, creative or timely idea. 

When was the last time you felt motivated? What gets you pumped? How do you spell 'inspiration'? 

I can't stand over here and pretend that changing your mindset isn't difficult. Sometimes it's easy to get caught in the everyday life; the sleeping in, the ordering out, the procrastinating, the "I'll do it tomorrow." But there's a difference between the people who say those things to themselves, and the people who cut those habits out. There can be no progress without some form of discomfort. It isn't worth it unless there is. Everyone knows the Glow-up can't happen over night. You gotta work for it, you gotta strive for it, you gotta make things uncomfortable, you gotta reach farther than you ever have in order to obtain the goals you set for yourself. This is what needs to be recognized and practiced to the fullest. 

One thing that I believe everyone can relate to, is the disdain one feels when we accomplish nothing. I get tired of restarting, of re-convincing myself that the next week will be different. I want to KNOW I'm making a difference. I want to KNOW I've turned a corner. I want to SEE the results - I want to FEEEL the results. I want to wake up in the morning and hit the ground running with excitement and the anticipation of what's to come because I know I'm gonna surpass myself the day before. Then and only then will I know that I'm becoming the character I want to be. Setting goals, accomplishing them and striving for more. A lot of things seem difficult before they seem easy, but isn't that what makes it worth having once you obtain it? The fact that you put in that work, and paved the way for yourself? That payoff hit different when you've done it for yourself. If you fell down yesterday, stand up today. 

"Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around."

Wait on it. The new me is loading...

Still or Stagnant?

 It feels kinda cheap to try and fit the last five years into a disheveled bunch of paragraphs. It contained a lot of learning, a lot of emotional pain, and a lot of memories - the happy kind, that I can carry with me until I die. I'm grateful for all experiences, even if they weren't all that pleasant. Life forces us to grow when we aren't prepared to do so. Reluctance is quite the pill to swallow. But what is one to do? Especially if time waits for no man.

Staying stagnant can be death by boredom, yet remaining still can be enlightenment by Buddhism. The paradox of life and love is enough to make you wanna hoist yourself over the Ben Franklin bridge. The perfect blend of mental and emotional Yin & Yang. 'Good grief, Charlie Brown...'  I feel like there's so many unwritten laws, so many unwritten rules, the do's and don'ts of grief or dating, work place satire or first date etiquettes. 

That run-on sentence should be enough to indicate where I am at mentally & emotionally. Am I coming?Am I going? I dunno. Not entirely certain. Am I still or am I stagnant?? Another question for the stars. Another question to go unanswered. That is, until I can answer it for myself. 

(Too much, too fast)

Cheers!

Five Trips Around The Sun

 To say it’s been a while would be an understatement. 

They say you become a different person by simply walking across the room to retrieve something. Upon returning to where you started, even that small journey, has changed you slightly. So if that’s to be true, how seasoned do you predict me to be now? 

::smiles:: 

I’m going to return with a bouquet of beautifully agonizing words that will pose as a summed up version of the events that have taken place since I last left you guys. (Or, mainly just my personal digital footprints. My virtual journey for this virtual life) 

Stay tuned…

Paoli's

California has been a trip!

While what brought me out west is still very much thriving, my three year sentence has been a delightful one. I've missed some events back home, I've missed some people too but what I lost in time I gained in heart. One year longer than I had anticipated out here and it was by far the best one!

I worked at Paoli's!

While I pride myself at being a pretty damn good server, but I'd never worked at an Italian establishment before. More than that, I'd never worked at an Italian-Karaoke establishment. AND EVEN MORE THAN THAT -- I'd never worked at an Italian/Karaoke/Dive Bar/that pays entirely under the table before! Maaaann, what an experience it is.
I've met some interesting characters, made new friends, and upped my singing potential by at least 50%. Haha

My last day of duty was this past Sunday, almost a week ago. It was hard to say goodbye to my regulars, so I didn't. I said farewell to one of my favorite singers, Larry and his lovely wife, and I slipped away. Some people know I'm having an event on Saturday, so maybe they'll show up and I'll get a chance to say goodbye. I suppose I had the chance. Ahh, farewells make me all watery in the eye region. I don't always like to do it.

My feet have never hurt so much, but my pockets have never been fatter either. Hustle was the name of the game since Paoli's doesn't have any up to date POS system. It's all 80's style, handwritten checks, one-on-one with the cooks... Headless chickens is what we were! With no busboys, hosts, food runners, or cashier to speak of, we often played the part of multitasking extremely well! Some of us worked harder than others... Ahem. Got a pretty kickass review on one of the worse nights of my working career.

Talk about a place with some sass! Great money was made though. The most money I've made in my adult life--in my entire life! It was wonderful, a wonderful experience with in retrospect wonderful people.

The lady that ran the joint* is a 65+ firecracker and we all considered her the Madam. Such sarcastic grace and wit. Really a 'no-bullshit, take it or leave it' sort of a woman. She made such an impression that I created a website for the restaurant free of charge.

( www.paolipizzeria.wordpress.com ) The place deserved online presence, especially because it didn't have any. So if you're ever in the great Valley of Los Angeles, give this diamond in the ruff a go. Great food, great people, great voices, great times.

I'll always have love for ya, Paoli's!!

*That's how dicey and special this place is. Gotta refer to it as a "joint".

Killing Time Murders Opportunities

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate ticking clocks? Nothing like a second to second reminder that time is passing you by while you sit blankly, idly wondering how you can make the most of your, that's right, time. 

It's just a distraction. And what do we have to show for it? Continued thoughts that eventually branch off into a tree of uncertainty and trivial pursuits?? 

No thank you. I want to rip it off the wall and replace it with a crayon drawn clock that never changes. It can be 4:20 or 5:00 all the live long day. 

That's all I've got for you currently. Go check out my naughty stuff, I find that more fulfilling than casual conversations about the weather or clocks that go tick-tock. 

Autumn Love

Green leaves shedding its life, turning from orange to red.

Beautifully complimenting the sky, the colors that bled.

Cinnamon sparks the smell of the apple cider.

Wrapping around the fuzzy quilt, sitting beside the fire. 

Watch as the flames lick and crack before our eyes.

Sipping on the warmth, yet feeling chilly to my surprise.

Give me your arms, let them enfold a shivering me.

Having the fire inside now, 'cause you don't feel what I see. 

If you enjoy my work here on Buzzing Jupiter, check out some of my naughtier stuff at Sex Sez. 

Sing Jhene

Life, as it usually does after 14, has been zooming pass. Never enough time for this or that, that or this, or even the occasional "fuck it, I'm doing nothing today" mood. In addition to the many writings and creations I've been, well, creating, I've been back to exercising my vocals.

Sometime last year I was prompted by a friend to give an LA local a listen. She goes by the name of Jhene Aiko and her voice is beautiful. Her lyrics are raw and real. And her sense of grace is matched with her down-to-earth/matter-of-factly urban aura. She's hippie flowerchild meets strong city gal, and me likes it. I relate to her lyrics about love, death, and casual sex. It's nice to hear a woman sing so openly about her emotions and sexual desires. 

Below are the two songs I've been attempting to perfect. Currently my two favorite songs to sing.* Sexy, smooth, and honest. 

http://youtu.be/BKHx9F2UlXQ < - - - "Drinking & Driving"

http://youtu.be/BaeO_Wf6kKI < - - - "Living Room Flow"

*HAIM not included.