Everyone loves and praises you oh so much. Quite frankly, I think you're overrated, vapid, and in/directly responsible for the lack of genuine communication between people. Surreeee, you connect strangers and loved ones throughout the country and the world---really impressive, I'll give you that. I'll give you the evolving beauty of science technology and other madcap engineering projects. You can send things in and out of space, but you can't fucking load a page on a 4 year old MAC in less than 15 seconds. You can see inside of the human body without puncturing it, but you can't fucking restore text messages in a phone after powering it back up. What the hell is going on? Is it me? Do ya just hate meee? I try to be patient and give you the benefit of the doubt, "Maybe this time it'll work." "Maybe the 14th time it'll work!"
And it isn't always me being a retard and unable to figure things out either. Not always. And you're not exactly always idiot-proof either, like you promise to be. You're a real kick in the crotch! Everything from faulty GPS's, iPhones & Droids, computer glitches and even your hand in making humans have less attention span than they already acquired, I blame you for all of this. I blame you for frustrating people everywhere, causing a grumpy ripple from an office on the west coast, to a laptop somewhere on the east.
Ironically, you were supposed to make things easier but it seems like it's just more difficult. I'm not even going to discuss your stupid fucking Kiosk system that the entire world is adopting. What happened to just putting fucking quarters in the meter?! I didn't think anything was wrong with that system! Park, add quarters, walk away. What's simpler than that? 'Noooo, let's make it mind numbingly complicated' --- you had this bright fuckin' idea to have people park, walk up to this device like an ass and attempt to figure out how to digitally punch in that they'll only be parked for 15 minutes. And of course, people aren't used to them, so a line begins to form. Then people start getting frustrated that the dick at the front of the line can't figure it out, only for them to become a dick because they can't figure the shit out either! BUT WAIT!!! THERE'S MORE! After you wait in this stupid ass line of dismay, you then have to walk back to your vehicle and put your "Kiosk slip" on your dashboard. Tell me again, how this has made parking..or... life easier?
Maybe I'm expecting too much from you. Maybe I just expect all digital and technological devices to work and not fuck up. Kinks will occur everywhere and in virtually everything. I understand this. I get it. But what I don't fucking compute is how you religiously fuck with me. hah! It's possible I need to re-evaluate my possessions and maybe upgrade some things, but my Droid is only six months old! Does that translate to six years in Bizarro Technology World?
Fuck you very much for your random shut downs, your crashing, your "auto correct" which isn't even the word I wanted to spell anyway--DUMMY, your slow loading of ANYTHING, your wheel of death, your freezing, your anti-virus/spy software that works just as hard as an unemployed person collecting disability and lastly fuck you very, very much for pissing in my cereal anytime I actually count on you to cooperate with me.
You're a backhanded compliment wrapped in a golden bow.
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