27 Reasons To Smile This XMas

Here it is once again. That warm fuzzy feeling that embalms your soul and gives you that twinkle in your eye. I'm sure for some it gives more of a nauseating emotion, what with the grinning children and annoying Christmas songs on repeat, but 'tis the season to at least put up a front and smile godammit. No matter how bitter or down you feel, there's always a good reason to be happy for Christmas and New Years. Here are all my reasons, one for every year of my life, in no particular order:



1. Convincing yourself next year will be different.

2. Being drunk in public and it being okay because you're spreading "Christmas Cheer" and/or reeeally feeling the "spirits" of Christmas.

3. Naughty or nice, you can masturbate whenever you want. Naughty AND nice.

4. You survived another year of bullshit and chance.

5. No matter how bad you think your life is, remember there's someone being executed somewhere right now.

6. Laying around naked and watching the entire "Lord of The Rings" trilogy.

7. Mistletoe. (You can hang it anywhere. Even over your junk.)

8. Snowball fights. (You can wrap snow around a frozen* egg and really nail your unsuspecting victim.)

9. 'Christmas with The Rat Pack' album.

10. Chocolates filled with liquor.

11. Going Christmas shopping drunk and then later returning your blurry purchases a few days later, also drunk.

12. Tackling inflatable Christmas decorations on other peoples' lawns.

13. "A Charlie Brown Christmas"

14. Singing at the top of your lungs outside and it being "acceptable behavior".

15. Creating false promises to you and others.

16. Rockin' around the Christmas tree..

17. "Home Alone" drinking game.

18. Jimmy Stewart impersonations.

19. Spiked Egg Nog/Cocoa/Tea

20. Fruit Cake**

21. The joyful act of giving and receiving... oral sex.

22. Christmas Tree***

23. PRESENTS!!!

24. Giving someone a bottle of alcohol as a gift and then making them open it so you can partake in consumption.

25. The polite, fake "Thank you" you get when someone opens your gift and hates it.****

26. Brightly lit decorated homes.

(Christmas In South Philly)

and finally, the 27th reason:

27. Because if winter is here, can spring be far behind?








*or unfrozen if you're being polite.
**Just kidding. No one likes Fruit Cake.
***This means marijuana.
****Not that it's ever happened to me. I give fantastic gifts. :p