A Journey Into Abstract Hip-Hop

Gasoline. My favorite recent accident that I stumbled upon. Takes me through several hip-hop emotions. I digs.

Confused Indifference

What is it that we're all looking for? And when we find it, how is it that, we end up still looking for something else? When is it ever enough? I've asked this question over and over again. Would we even be able to figure out what 'enough' is or was??

I always played the numbers game with my mental breakdowns or lack thereof. Time just makes me so complacent, no matter where I am. Ha. No matter where I am, I always feel like I should be somewhere else. Whaddaya call that?!

I'm not sure I ever really knew where my place in the world was supposed to be. It's not as if I feel like I belong anywhere. Like I belong nowhere and everywhere all at once. Leading this hurricane of emotion and curiosity towards the brink of my demise. And I know it seems slightly off, but I've been a lot more morbid than usual. Mainly at night. I've been often wondering if I'll open my eyes the next day. And I'm not too upset about it, it almost feels as if it's supposed to happen that way.
But being the curious person that I am, it does make me sad because I AM unaware of what's to come. What follows death?  They never come back to tell us, do they? Like it's one big surprise that everyone has to discover on their own.

Maybe it's like everyone on Earth is collecting pieces of their own puzzle. Putting them together to get the big picture. Some people complete their puzzle, some people never find the missing pieces, and some people's ending image isn't what they thought they were putting together.

I'm as rambly as a drunken sailor. Just feelin' a little under the weather emotionally, is all...

The Baloo Distraction

Okay, so I realize my absence .... hasn't been noticed by anyone. Ha! But lookie!! That furry wittle face above has been keeping me smiling and (somewhat) active. He's my excuse and YOUR distraction from the fact that I haven't written anything substantial in the last five months, maybe more. 

It's coming. It's all coming soon. Just be patient, my pretties...

Filler.

It's been a little bit since the last time I tuned in. Same shit, different toilet paper. However!! I AM very much looking forward to my visit back home. One week. No work. All rest and play. I can't wait to see all my family and friends. Then of course, do what we do best... party our faces off. 

Upon my return to sunny, hotter than hell itself, California, I intend to hit the job circuit harder than I've ever hit it before. Because, honestly, this can't be life. Crap pay at some Dental Lab? No, no, nooo. I think not. 

Very interested in seeing what the future holds for yours truly. Welp, time to roll the dice.

20Something

I've recently celebrated my very last 20-something birthday. I realize most people make bigger deals for their 21st and their 30th and so on. But I've always been a stickler for the ends of things. Because, and this has been said many times, when things end, you usually think about the beginning. That's the beauty of it for me. Ten years ago I had a huge Berfday bash when I turned 19...

It marked the end of my teenage years and the beginning of a new journey. I'd never have or celebrate another teenage birthday in this lifetime. It was something sad and beautiful.

Much like now. 

I'll never have another 20-something birthday for as long as I live in this current existence. So here I am. Almost 30 and still swimming in the pool of limbo. So many changes life has brought to my doorstep. Some are very nice packages, wrapped beautifully and the contents are even more amazing. And others, well, they can't all be winners with giant bows of satin. The way I look at it, as long as I keep those smiles genuinely on my face, I'll know I am/was having fun. 

Because that's all that really ever mattered right? Happiness? I believe so. 

Party on, Wayne.

Bard, The Jester

Had some words knocking around in my head. So I put them down on this keyboard. For you all to see:


Bard, The Jester - 'tis I.

Long way down, what do I have to show?
Rusted crown, with a king that doesn't sow.
Wet eyes see, the near future to be dark.
What's inside of me has to establish a stone heart.
On and on I go, slipping through the cut.
And what do I have to show?
A silenced word and a fat gut.

Trying too hard, or maybe not enough.
Knowing I'm a bard, yet feeling like a scruff.
Disreputable lady, only gotten by her kind.
Where the grass is green and shady.
Where she'll leave all of this behind.

Yeats

The Heart of The Woman
O WHAT to me the little room   That was brimmed up with prayer and rest;   He bade me out into the gloom,   And my breast lies upon his breast.      O what to me my mother’s care,          5 The house where I was safe and warm;   The shadowy blossom of my hair   Will hide us from the bitter storm.      O hiding hair and dewy eyes,   I am no more with life and death,   10 My heart upon his warm heart lies,   My breath is mixed into his breath.