Idiot Savant

What is this winter blues running through my veins? Mixed with crazy anticipation and happiness?? If only I knew what it all meant and where things were going....

If only, I had a clue. Or a life compass to simply point me in the right direction. No, that's not wishful thinking or asking for a lot at all. 

With the year coming to a close, I can't help but focus on the beginning of this year and all the years that preceded it. And each year begins and ends the same; the hope for a better year. And each year takes me on a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. Each one, getting a little better. Even if it doesn't necessarily top the one before it. Just because I change a little. The transformation of yourself is incredible and the fact that you can go to that place in your mind, where there's a rolodex of memories of the way you were...

Simply astounding. 

So as each year passes and you feel yourself almost shift into another person that's an elevated version of your old you, you tend to think of the first you. 

The you that liked Tonka Trucks and Creepy Crawlers, or Lite Bright and Barbies.  I think about how different each me was. Then think about the similarities and that's where I always smile.---->

Cause we're not completely different. Those "old you's" I mean. Cause there's definitely still a part of me that loves the shit out of Creepy Crawlers and Lite Bright! I mean, I still play Hide & Go Seek with my friends, fuck! ha.

Whatever-the-case, my point is that I hope my resolutions for the upcoming New Year aren't filled with empty aspirations and fluff. Every fucking December I going on and on about how I'm gonna do better and be better. And every year I fall behind, just living in the moment without conscience thought of the future. 

Idiot Savant is what I am. Me and all my friends. I've never known of such an amazing group of people, with so much potential & creativity, have absolutely no motivation. It's actually very interesting how I can acknowledge this, and yet still do nothing about changing it. Nah, that's not interesting, that's just stupid. 

So yet again, as I uncork my chilled Sauvignon Blanc, I am hereby making my New Year's Resolution for 2009 to get my shit together! I'm gonna attend Walnut St. Theatre acting course, I'm gonna finally get my driver's license, I'm gonna.... (takes sip &  quickly thinks) ...finish a shitload of sketches & skits and maybe even submit a feature length into a local contest. Who knows. haha! Yeeeahh. I'm shooting for the stars next year....

..I just hope my rocket can make it.