Idiot Savant

What is this winter blues running through my veins? Mixed with crazy anticipation and happiness?? If only I knew what it all meant and where things were going....

If only, I had a clue. Or a life compass to simply point me in the right direction. No, that's not wishful thinking or asking for a lot at all. 

With the year coming to a close, I can't help but focus on the beginning of this year and all the years that preceded it. And each year begins and ends the same; the hope for a better year. And each year takes me on a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. Each one, getting a little better. Even if it doesn't necessarily top the one before it. Just because I change a little. The transformation of yourself is incredible and the fact that you can go to that place in your mind, where there's a rolodex of memories of the way you were...

Simply astounding. 

So as each year passes and you feel yourself almost shift into another person that's an elevated version of your old you, you tend to think of the first you. 

The you that liked Tonka Trucks and Creepy Crawlers, or Lite Bright and Barbies.  I think about how different each me was. Then think about the similarities and that's where I always smile.---->

Cause we're not completely different. Those "old you's" I mean. Cause there's definitely still a part of me that loves the shit out of Creepy Crawlers and Lite Bright! I mean, I still play Hide & Go Seek with my friends, fuck! ha.

Whatever-the-case, my point is that I hope my resolutions for the upcoming New Year aren't filled with empty aspirations and fluff. Every fucking December I going on and on about how I'm gonna do better and be better. And every year I fall behind, just living in the moment without conscience thought of the future. 

Idiot Savant is what I am. Me and all my friends. I've never known of such an amazing group of people, with so much potential & creativity, have absolutely no motivation. It's actually very interesting how I can acknowledge this, and yet still do nothing about changing it. Nah, that's not interesting, that's just stupid. 

So yet again, as I uncork my chilled Sauvignon Blanc, I am hereby making my New Year's Resolution for 2009 to get my shit together! I'm gonna attend Walnut St. Theatre acting course, I'm gonna finally get my driver's license, I'm gonna.... (takes sip &  quickly thinks) ...finish a shitload of sketches & skits and maybe even submit a feature length into a local contest. Who knows. haha! Yeeeahh. I'm shooting for the stars next year....

..I just hope my rocket can make it.

Word Shambles

And once again, as the night slowly drifts into dawn, I find myself up and unable to rest. Too many thoughts to keep track of or even attempt to put on paper. They say you find true enlightenment on nights like these. I agree.
As my fingers shiver across these keys, I contemplate making a cup of hot chocolate. The simple thought brings a smile to my lips. The taste, the warmth, its all an amazing part of winter.

It's funny how the death of summer makes everyone so introspective. I suppose it's due to the closing out of the year. And in the end of something, you tend to think about the beginning. You reflect and grow from your experiences. (Hopefully learning from them.) The fun part comes when you can start planning for the upcoming year. Making choices 

where to spend your time and with whom. Going over all the possibilities and chances you'll have to make new memories. It's all very exciting. And then of course, your mind travels back to the past and to the other side of this year. If you can look back and smile with contention, then you did alright. And if not, you'll get a second chance--so don't go and fuck it up.


---and then the power went out---

That was the beginning of last nights article. So this entry is a two parter. Continuing on...

It's hard to pick up on the energy I had last night, seeing as how today was a huge lazy day for me. I bounced from room to room , simply lounging. Different chairs, couches, patterns and laying positions.  Actually the only thing I successfully did today was my work out routine. That was the high point of my day. Well, with one exception.

A call from an old friend forced me to skip my mid-morning cat nap and trade it in for conversation. Which I didn't mind one bit. It had already been weeks since we last spoke and I always have time in my life for people that mean the world to me.

Ugh, I can see where this entry is headed and I'm not feeling it really. So before I go off on some ramble about the most random things of my day, I'll just cut it short and return when my thoughts are fresh and connected.

New Breed

As my excitement to attend an actual fighting event grew and grew the closer we approached the arena, I found myself filled with all these strange emotions. Happiness, freedom, nostalgia and full fledged giddiness. All strangers to me. It's weird.
But as I enjoy being overwhelmed with optimism, I didn't fight the feeling of being carried away. So as a flowing stream drains, I went along with very single vibration I felt. And it did not lead me astray.


Watching someone you know being punched in the face is quite a feeling. Having your favorite boxer and routing for someone you look up to is one thing. But someone you interact with, that you think is a stand up guy--you don't want to see them being threatened or attacked. That's like, a total.. other... thing. I wanted to crawl into the ring and strangle the guy myself. And as the adrenaline pumps and the hopes get higher, you find yourself more and more territorial of the person in your favor.

So when that person wins... that is quite another feeling. And it just takes you higher. Much higher... it IS pure happiness. All of the happy cells multiply in your head and you're naturally high.

Naturally...






::sigh:: Yeah, I like that a lot. :) A whole lot!





I feel like I slept with a hanger in my mouth....

Green Light

Whooo. Has it been a while? Certainly. So let's just dive right in, shall we? Opening bar at The Raven Lounge last night was an incredible experience that I'll store in my memory. All the trendy boys and girls mixing it up with each other. My drinks helping in the process. Taking it all in, as I observed the melting pot of Friday nights, I realized that I could get use to this. The power of owning bar.... ahh. Maybe not too impressive for some, but I loved it.




I've been realizing a lot of things lately that isn't necessarily surprising or shocking. About myself I mean. And other people I suppose. It's funny how life's cycle just goes around and around. History repeating itself is an understatement. ::snickers::
It's great though. I've been spending a lot of time with a bunch of old friends and there's been all of us together at one place. It feels really awesome and cures my nostalgia craving. I only hope to have moments like that a thousand times over.

Words can't express how empty and full I feel all at the same time. Quite inadequate actually. But I have reason to believe it's going in a good direction. Positive vibes all on that side. Its like the Beach Boys song, "Good Vibrations".

....and that's all I have to say about that.

Growing Hymen

Sex... kind of a big deal. I wish I was having some.

Believe in What??

So... with macaroni and cheese stuck to these keyboards, I will describe to the best of my memory, how it felt to move--very eruptly--into these new walls. And man, was it an adjustment. I didn't appreciate it. The newness. The clean, white, unadjusted, unlived, inexperienced walls. And I was very reluctant to accept it. But alas, I had to.

Much as I chugged before beginning this paragraph, I was prepared and had to accept the consequences of a new spot. I was willing, (as much as i was unwilling), and gradually got use to it. And to be completely honest, I'm still not use to being alone and lonely. Which is one in the same, really. ugh. Here I am again, rambling. I have nothing really to say, then again i have much--but as far as this blog goes...not really. Sometimes I just want to rant, and to be honest that's what this shit is for.

Ever notice how SHIT and This have similar letters. the same EXACT Fucking letters. maybe that means that "this" in ANY context is actually "shit'.. hahah You think?? hah Maybe not.

Either way, I've been working on a script that should sum up my high school years in about 45 minutes. I'm hoping it's not a sham and actually makes sense. (My beer is warm now. warmer than what I'd normally like.)

I must go. This entry has no purpose. Just drunken rambles and singing insanity.



i apologize to the 3 people that tune in. This holds nothing but... nothing but, well.... shit.


better to be proceded.

If Walls Could Talk.

I remember the feeling I had as I walked into the second floor apartment and slowly moved my stuff in from the basement. There was this sense of sadness because it felt like I was leaving my "teenage/high school" years behind. Which I was. Yet still I was so excited, because of the new life I was going to live. Which I did. That time of my life even has it's own smell. Every chapter does, though.

My walls have seen almost everything. Man, when I think about it my mind almost goes into overload. The amount of people at one time. The number of different people. The ones that were permanent fixtures. The ones that weren't. It was quite a time. And for the past four years this has been where I call home. My home. The cool kitchen floor against my hot drunken cheek. Or the couches me & Jess so frequently pouted on due to our horny and loneliness. All of our roommates and their issues, (Kirby puking in the couch & sleeping in it). Themed parties, straight boys kissing, indoor ollying, x cherry popping, streaking, vodka waterfalls and naked manginas. My apartment literally has seen it all.

I won't say too much more, because if my walls could talk, I don't believe they'd want me spending too much time grieving over leaving them behind. We had a magnificent run and shared uber special moments and memories. Seriously, words cannot express how much laughter has been exchanged in this place. I could develop abs from how much we would laugh.
Yep, it was something awfully special.

Friday I say goodbye to my longtime friend and will say hello to a new set of walls. I wonder what new experiences we'll have together. I find myself feeling the same way I did when I moved into my first apartment. This time is a little harder I must say though. I'm leaving the nest and the familiarity I've grown to love about my crappy small apartment. All the suckiness, happiness, laughter, boredom, bitterness, anymosity, drunken times, drunken tears, busted laptops, party friends... all the pizza boxes, delicious ham dinners, horniness, masturbating interruptions, witches across the street and late night conversations that saved each others sanity....

Nostalgic is an understatement.