Idiot Savant

What is this winter blues running through my veins? Mixed with crazy anticipation and happiness?? If only I knew what it all meant and where things were going....

If only, I had a clue. Or a life compass to simply point me in the right direction. No, that's not wishful thinking or asking for a lot at all. 

With the year coming to a close, I can't help but focus on the beginning of this year and all the years that preceded it. And each year begins and ends the same; the hope for a better year. And each year takes me on a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. Each one, getting a little better. Even if it doesn't necessarily top the one before it. Just because I change a little. The transformation of yourself is incredible and the fact that you can go to that place in your mind, where there's a rolodex of memories of the way you were...

Simply astounding. 

So as each year passes and you feel yourself almost shift into another person that's an elevated version of your old you, you tend to think of the first you. 

The you that liked Tonka Trucks and Creepy Crawlers, or Lite Bright and Barbies.  I think about how different each me was. Then think about the similarities and that's where I always smile.---->

Cause we're not completely different. Those "old you's" I mean. Cause there's definitely still a part of me that loves the shit out of Creepy Crawlers and Lite Bright! I mean, I still play Hide & Go Seek with my friends, fuck! ha.

Whatever-the-case, my point is that I hope my resolutions for the upcoming New Year aren't filled with empty aspirations and fluff. Every fucking December I going on and on about how I'm gonna do better and be better. And every year I fall behind, just living in the moment without conscience thought of the future. 

Idiot Savant is what I am. Me and all my friends. I've never known of such an amazing group of people, with so much potential & creativity, have absolutely no motivation. It's actually very interesting how I can acknowledge this, and yet still do nothing about changing it. Nah, that's not interesting, that's just stupid. 

So yet again, as I uncork my chilled Sauvignon Blanc, I am hereby making my New Year's Resolution for 2009 to get my shit together! I'm gonna attend Walnut St. Theatre acting course, I'm gonna finally get my driver's license, I'm gonna.... (takes sip &  quickly thinks) ...finish a shitload of sketches & skits and maybe even submit a feature length into a local contest. Who knows. haha! Yeeeahh. I'm shooting for the stars next year....

..I just hope my rocket can make it.

Word Shambles

And once again, as the night slowly drifts into dawn, I find myself up and unable to rest. Too many thoughts to keep track of or even attempt to put on paper. They say you find true enlightenment on nights like these. I agree.
As my fingers shiver across these keys, I contemplate making a cup of hot chocolate. The simple thought brings a smile to my lips. The taste, the warmth, its all an amazing part of winter.

It's funny how the death of summer makes everyone so introspective. I suppose it's due to the closing out of the year. And in the end of something, you tend to think about the beginning. You reflect and grow from your experiences. (Hopefully learning from them.) The fun part comes when you can start planning for the upcoming year. Making choices 

where to spend your time and with whom. Going over all the possibilities and chances you'll have to make new memories. It's all very exciting. And then of course, your mind travels back to the past and to the other side of this year. If you can look back and smile with contention, then you did alright. And if not, you'll get a second chance--so don't go and fuck it up.


---and then the power went out---

That was the beginning of last nights article. So this entry is a two parter. Continuing on...

It's hard to pick up on the energy I had last night, seeing as how today was a huge lazy day for me. I bounced from room to room , simply lounging. Different chairs, couches, patterns and laying positions.  Actually the only thing I successfully did today was my work out routine. That was the high point of my day. Well, with one exception.

A call from an old friend forced me to skip my mid-morning cat nap and trade it in for conversation. Which I didn't mind one bit. It had already been weeks since we last spoke and I always have time in my life for people that mean the world to me.

Ugh, I can see where this entry is headed and I'm not feeling it really. So before I go off on some ramble about the most random things of my day, I'll just cut it short and return when my thoughts are fresh and connected.