Yeats

The Heart of The Woman
O WHAT to me the little room   That was brimmed up with prayer and rest;   He bade me out into the gloom,   And my breast lies upon his breast.      O what to me my mother’s care,          5 The house where I was safe and warm;   The shadowy blossom of my hair   Will hide us from the bitter storm.      O hiding hair and dewy eyes,   I am no more with life and death,   10 My heart upon his warm heart lies,   My breath is mixed into his breath.

I've discovered "The Laughing Philosopher"

Mr. Thomas Love Peacock, ladies and gentlemen!

 

Farewell to Matilda

By Thomas Love Peacock

              Oui, pour jamais
              Chassons l’image
              De la volage
              Que j’adorais.              PARNY.

Matilda, farewell! Fate has doom’d us to part,

But the prospect occasions no pang to my heart;

No longer is love with my reason at strife,

Though once thou wert dearer, far dearer than life.

 

As together we roam’d, I the passion confess’d,

Which thy beauty and virtue had rais’d in my breast;

That the passion was mutual thou mad’st me believe,

And I thought my Matilda could never deceive.

 

My Matilda! no, false one! my claims I resign:

Thou canst not, thou must not, thou shalt not be mine:

I now scorn thee as much as I lov’d thee before,

Nor sigh when I think I shall meet thee no more.

 

Though fair be thy form, thou no lovers wilt find,

While folly and falsehood inhabit thy mind,

Though coxcombs may flatter, though ideots may prize,

Thou art shunn’d by the good, and contemn’d by the wise.

 

Than mine what affection more fervent could be,

When I thought ev’ry virtue was center’d in thee?

Of the vows thou hast broken I will not complain,

For I mourn not the loss of a heart I disdain.

 

Oh! hadst thou but constant and amiable prov’d

As that fancied perfection I formerly lov’d,

Nor absence, nor time, though supreme their controul,

Could have dimm’d the dear image then stamp’d on my soul.

 

How bright were the pictures, untinted with shade,

By Hope’s glowing pencil on Fancy pourtray’d!

Sweet visions of bliss! which I could not retain;

For they, like thyself, were deceitful and vain.

 

Some other, perhaps, to Matilda is dear,

Some other, more pleasing, though not more sincere;

May he fix thy light passions, now wav’ring as air,

Then leave thee, inconstant, to shame and despair!

 

Repent not, Matilda, return not to me:

Unavailing thy grief, thy repentance will be:

In vain will thy vows or thy smiles be resum’d,

For love, once extinguish’d, is never relum’d.

 

 

Maria’s Return

By Thomas Love Peacock

          The whit’ning ground

          In frost is bound;

   The snow is swiftly falling;

While coldly blows the northern breeze,

And whistles through the leafless trees,

   In hollow sounds appalling.

 

          On this cold plain,

          Now reach’d with pain,

   Once stood my father’s dwelling:

Where smiling pleasure once was found,

Now desolation frowns around,

   And wintry blasts are yelling.

 

          Hope’s visions wild

          My thoughts beguil’d,

   My earliest days delighting,

Till unsuspected treach’ry came,

Beneath affection’s specious name,

   The lovely prospect blighting.

 

          With many a wile

          Of blackest guile

   Did Henry first deceive me:

What winning words to him were giv’n!

He swore, by all the pow’rs of Heav’n,

   That he would never leave me.

 

          With fondest truth

          I lov’d the youth:

   My soul, to guilt a stranger,

Knew not, in those too simple hours,

That oft beneath the sweetest flow’rs

   Is couch’d the deadliest danger.

 

          With him to roam

          I fled my home;

   I burst the bonds of duty;

I thought my days in joy would roll;

But Henry hid a demon’s soul

   Beneath an angel’s beauty!

 

          Shall this poor heart

          E’er cease to smart?

   Oh never! never! never!

Did av’rice whisper thee, or pride,

False Henry! for a wealthier bride

   To cast me off for ever?

 

          My sire was poor:

          No golden store

   Had he, no earthly treasure:

I only could his griefs assuage,

The only pillar of his age,

   His only source of pleasure.

 

          With anguish wild,

          He miss’d his child,

   And long in vain he sought her:

The fiercest thunder-bolts of heav’n

Shall on thy guilty head be driv’n,

   Thou Disobedient Daughter!

 

          I feel his fears,

          I see his tears,

   I hear his groans of sadness:

My cruel falsehood seal’d his doom:

He seems to curse me from the tomb,

   And fire my brain to madness!

 

          Oh! keenly blow,

          While drifts the snow,

   The cold nocturnal breezes;

On me the gath’ring snow-flakes rest,

And colder grows my friendless breast;

   My very heart-blood freezes!

 

          ‘Tis midnight deep,

          And thousands sleep,

   Unknown to guilt and sorrow;

They think not of a wretch like me,

Who cannot, dare not, hope to see

   The rising light to-morrow!

 

          An outcast hurl’d

          From all the world,

   Whom none would love or cherish,

What now remains to end my woes,

But here, amid the deep’ning snows,

   To lay me down and perish?

 

          Death’s icy dart

          Invades my heart:

   Just Heav’n! all-good! all-seeing!

Thy matchless mercy I implore,

When I must wake, to sleep no more,

   In realms of endless being!

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Limbo w/ Mr. Gillespie

When is it ever enough? When does it just stop and become enough for you? When everything suffices and you keep living your semi charmed life.. I frankly think that people don't ever want things to be good enough. The misguided ones at least. Because if things were just content and there wasn't anything else you yearned for, what would you do with your time?

heh.

Such a twisted little way of thinking.

Of course if you didn't yearn for anything else, you could fill that time with appreciating and enjoying the very thing(s) that you fought so hard to get. The thing you yearned so long for. But no. You focus on what you don't have and what you can't get. Yet again! Funny thing, the brain is.. very funny thing.

I wonder if Dizzy Gillespie ever felt such an emotion. And if so, what advice would he give to me now.

Invictus

 Out of the night that covers me,

      Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

      I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

      Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

      How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul. 

 

                                     --William Ernest Henley

I Never Liked Anything Temporary

Unemployed, no longer, am I!

Chipotle was gracious enough to hire me and give me a shot. One that I really am grateful for, so I accepted it. I do need money. It does make the world go round. It is the root of all evil. Yet, sadly we all need it to "survive"*. I digress.    But money, essentially, cannot buy happiness. So when I find myself so disheartened at the amount that I'm getting, I feel like "one of them". The sort of person that runs their life on ranking, style or class. Instead of the type of person that allows love, peace and unity to run their life--which I know I am.

I suppose it's simply the backpedaling. That has something to do with it for sure. Although, it isn't as if I wasn't prepared to take that on. I guess once the realization latched on and set in, I looked around myself and saw a reality I didn't enjoy. A subtle, but very constant urge to throw my face into the fryer. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or regretting my decision, I'm just pessimistically hopeful.

When I think about the pay cut I'm taking and the lack of independence I have, I wanna backflip into a concrete wall. And I don't even know how to backflip! It makes me wanna learn how to backflip, perfect it, seek out the sturdiest concrete wall, measure the diameter, and then backflip into it.

But there are children making twenty-five cents an hour in some factory elsewhere. The gentle Buddhist in me keeps telling myself that. In addition to the friends back home that make me feel better and reminds me that this is only temporary.

KENNETH: You look yourself in the face dammit and tell yourself that you are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHRIS: Keep working hard and good things will come. I'm trying to be more positive, maybe I can borrow some from you, but I still think about killing people almost daily. People suck everyday. I might just sell 10-12 guitars and just leave: aimlessly.

YOURS TRULY:  I have plenty of positivity to spare. Got some "back-up generators" set for the collapse of my patience.

I'm doing what I got to, to do what I want to...


It's as simple as that.







*Because that's how humans made it thousands of years, right?
**The next entry will be the poem he was referencing to. ^^The one above this one.

No Time But The Present

Being unemployed and having extra time on my hands has gotten me a-thinking about stuff. How is it that back in high school, when I was doing homework, projects, working a part-time job, having a boyfriend, cutting classes and being an insomniac, did I have the time to be artistic?* I find that pretty funny because now that I have all the time in the world, it seems like I have no time to let my creative mind flow. I used to be broke and inspired. Now--well I'm still broke, only uninspired. Maybe it was knowing that I had my entire life ahead of me that encouraged me to try to execute my dreams. And it's not that I don't still have an entire lifetime before me, I just mean, my motivation to actually do has shot down tremendously. Maybe not being challenged by my peers, or not having the means to bring these dreams of mine to life is what began my slow but steady journey to Lazy-Assville. Meh. Maybe not. Plenty of people, with much less, have succeeded in being fruitful with their attempts to make their dreams come true. It's just about trying. Or as Master Yoda would say, "Do or do not."

I must say, I've been doing an awful lot of  "do not-ing" for a shitload of years**. Living my life and being led around on a leash by my heart, sure, but maybe all of that was material for me to use later. Now, later!*** I'm gonna get back on top of this. I really am. Starting by retyping and editing my script, "Sex, Drugs & Cartoons". Here I go. I'm going off to do it.





*I guess the being an insomniac part took care of that wonder.
**4 years to be exact.
**Shout out to Now-&-Laters' for being so godamn delicious.

Two Weeks Outta The Valley

So it's been a little bit since my last update. Just trying to get settled in over on the good ole' West Coast. I must say things are going tremendously well. I'm a little surprised at the reactions to things going tremendously well, from people back home. I don't wanna say I think they were hoping things would fall apart. Definitely don't wanna say or think that. I just feel as though a lot of folks are simply so damn cynical, that maybe they thought, 'How could it possibly work out?' 

Maybe I've restored some hope in people. I'd like to think so. Hell, it's even restored a touch of faith in myself! I've always been a follow your heart kinda gal, and that takes some percentage of faith and hope, but never in a hundred years would I have imagined it could be this good. Or it would've been only that, just my imagination.

With that said, being away from my love has surely been an exercise of the heart. I've come back to Philly per request of my former employer. Two weeks of working and saying new hello's and new goodbye's. I must say I didn't expect to return home so quickly, but I'm happy that I have. I put out a few fires here and there, while being an ear to listen and a shoulder to literally cry on. Makes me feel useful. Not that I don't feel useful in my new life on "the best coast"*, I just feel like my absence has made people realize what a good commodity I am. Therefore, my latest return is greeted with anticipation and genuine affections. 

I must say, it's certainly a mind trip. I haven't been gone for very long, and yet, I feel like a sort of visitor. Familiar-being and a stranger all at the same time. Almost as if I'm a ghost just floating around my old hang outs, snickering and fluttering about. Retelling the same stories, answering the same questions, flashing the same smile. 

I know it may seem somewhat odd, but I find myself excited to go back... home?** My heart is there. My love is there. It's where I've decided to invest my future. Although, I have many many memories here and a bunch of people that could retain my attention, I'm afraid they've all lost to the mustache totin', D&D playin', Sigur Ros lovin', cartoon cell buyin' man that I've fallen head over feet for. 

He's simply the greatest.

*says who?! 

**It is where I lay my hat, afterall.

Eh, ya know--I'm outta here.

Last shindig before I depart. ::sniffle sniffle::

I'm The Green Pea

Not one single gram of fuck shall be given today.

I can't really pin point what's going on with me today. Maybe it's the snow or how incredibly grey it is outside. Maybe it's just Monday. Maybe it's my anxious loins screaming to be unleashed. Or just a heavy case of the "fuck its" in general.

There's something about waiting or being in limbo that simply drives me nuts. Just wishing things could begin already. I'd like to consider myself a pretty patient person, but with nine toes out the door already,  I'm finding it rather difficult to hang on to my attention span with simple projects. Or anything for that matter. I've been more and more content with being left alone, often preferring it.

Sexually speaking, I feel like I could crush an 8-ball with my vagina. It's been a rather frustrating winter, with the person I love so many miles away, it's difficult pleasing the other the way we both would like. But soon that'll all change! And my green indifferent ways will become perky and yellow like a fully happy person should be*.

Just running a little thin currently is all.






*Metaphorically speaking, that is. 

East Moves West

So in my decision to relocate to sunny California, I've encountered some rather different opinions on the transition. I wanted to share a few of those comments and some I've discovered online. The who's who, what's what, stereotypes, Blue vs Red State and the all around differences of East and West Coasters.

So bring on the offensive and defensive, shall we...

"This coastal rivalry is far more than just Atlantic vs. Pacific. It’s Celtics vs. Lakers, Broadway vs. Hollywood. Biggie vs. Pac. And there’s no straddling the continental divide. You either face west towards the sunset or east towards the sunrise." -- Jascha Kaykaswolff

"I was born and raised in California. Started a business there in 1991. I moved east in 2010 and yes the differences are startling. Rugged individualism and laidback attitudes are not the norm by a long shot. Color inside the lines and everybody stay in uniform. The uniform is black by the way nobody wears color. But its all good. I may stand out at times but isn't that the point." -- C.L.

" I'm in NYC, and when I think of West Coasters (specifically California folk), I think of: blondes, "health food" diet trends, avocados and other "weird" food, fake boobs, fake tans, plastic surgery. Basically that "West Coasters" are all about the superficial, as opposed to "us New Yorkers" who are not. --thepinksuperhero

What's weird about avocados? --faintofbutt

I don't think it's the avocado that's perceived as weird, it's the quantity and frequency in which they appear in Californian cuisine. It seems true to me, but that's probably because I always ordered food with avocados when I was in California. Because they are awesome. --mullacc

A friend from CA actually described how some of his friends describe West Coasters as "avocado"- and then, when NYC friends move to CA, they'll rag on them for "going avocado"." --thepinksuperhero Message Boarders on ask.metafilter.com

"I have a West Coast friend who is constantly annoyed by us uptight, snobby, anal, fun-hating East Coasters. Stereotypes of West Coasters are the same as ThePinkSuperhero said, with the addition that West Coasters are more liberal, more environmentally friendly, more hippie-crunchy-granola types, and more gay. So much more gay."

"East coast - pushy, rude, grumpy, but hard working and always on the go
West coast - laid back, kind, but sleep until noon"

"My favorite stereotype is that West Coasters walk more slowly than people from the northeast. Put someone from the northeast in a sitaution where he has to walk behind Californians and he'll tear his hair out."*

"I grew up in Southern California but went to school in Boston and lived in Manhattan for a few years..so..

The main difference, culturally, is that East coasters are much more class-conscious. This is reflected in the way they dress and their ambitions. There are a lot more "private clubs" and other social stratifications than on the West coast. You "know" when someone is wealther than you. Here on the West coast, the billionaire could be the guy in sandals eating across from you at the funky Thai food place.

East coasters walk fast (as mentioned above) They are always in a hurry. They are also straight with you - that is, if they don't like you, they'll tell you. Some might interpret this as rude, but personally I adore this frankness. West coasters are "nicer" on the surface but this can lead to a sort of passive-agressiveness and even hypocrisy in their dealings with others.
East coasters are much more neurotic in general. Almost any Woody Allen movie is soooo East coast to watch. His movies were incomprehensible to me as a young southern californian. When I moved to the East coast, I finally understood..

West coasters are much more New-Agey - embracing all sorts of health food trends. Yoga first caught hold over here. Massage therapists abound.

The West generally leads the nation in what's termed "informal culture." Movies are made here. Surfer-speak and Valley-girl speak started here and moved East.

The East leads the nation in "formal culture." Upscale designers live over there. The best literature, newspapers etc. all seem to be from the East coast."



"I've lived on the west coast my whole life. Living on the east coast scares me because the people seem so blunt and rude (rather than fake and backstabbing like in LA)."


 "There's too much sun already here in Philadelphia. I can only imagine how badly California's sun would rip at my soul." -- late, great Sunshine

...hmm

All in all it seems like a lot of things I've already assumed and/or experienced while out in sunny California. Nothing I can't take on. I like to think I spend a lot of time in my own little world anyhow, so Cali shouldn't be too distracting. I'm such a blend of personalities already, what with the best pro-components of my Philadelphian blood, the sarcasm I've adopted over my years and the care-free living & compassion that Californians will agree with. Maybe I'll land on the scene and create a beautiful ripple effect, righting all the wrong stereotypes that East Coasters have misrepresented. Then again--a lot of what I've read wasn't too far off. I suppose I just never warmed up to rudeness, though, being frank and direct can be mistaken for that. Hmm.. interesting. 

I guess this one will just have to play out. Much like everything in life, we won't know the good or the bad until we get there. Though, I must say, I am VERY aware of the good**.. ;)

Whatever-the-case, here's to heading out West and not being stabbed by the Cholos*** or sinking with California!








*That would be me. I can't stand walking behind a slow Philadelphian, let alone the "walking dead" that will take place in Cali. I will break away. I will.

**

***A cholo is a term implying a Hispanic male that typically dresses in chinos (khahki pants), a wifebeater sleeveless tshirt or a flannel shirt with only the top buttoned, a hairnet, or with a bandana around the forehead, usually halfway down over the eyes. Cholos often have black ink tattoos, commonly involving Catholic imagery, or calligraphy messages or family names.  Cholos often drive low riders.

Actors & Actresses, Alive & Dead

I was posting a tweet about "Forrest Gump", with the hashtag #ilovetomhanks. Then I had this thought to mention all my other favorite actors. Of course, the branch of from that was to march right over to this keyboard and make a list of all of my favorite actors. As the list built in my head, I realized I couldn't fit all of my favorites into a list of 10 or less. There's simply too many. So what I decided to do was break them up into dead and alive, male and female. It's the only way. Here's what I came up with:
In no order whatsoever..

ALIVE MALE:

Tom Hanks
Bruce Willis
Johnny Depp
Sean Penn
Bill Murray
Robert Downey, Jr.
Denzel Washington
Jack Nicholson
Tommy Lee Jones
Dustin Hoffman

ALIVE FEMALE:

Diana Lane
Michelle Pheifer
Susan Sarandon
Anjelica Houston
Meryl Streep
Jessica Lange
Charlize Theron
Diane Keaton
Halle Berry
Cate Blanchett



















DEAD MALE:

James Cagney
Dennis Hopper
Patrick Swayze
Paul Newman
Clark Gable
Spencer Tracy
John Candy
Fred Astaire
Jack Lemmon
Walter Matthau


DEAD FEMALE:

Grace Kelly
Anne Bancroft
Lauren Bacall
Audrey Hepburn
Greta Garbo
Katharine Hepburn
Vivien Leigh
Elizabeth Taylor
Ingrid Bergman
Bette Davis

Lushlife - "Magnolia"

This has got to be one of the coolest hip-hop videos I've seen in a while. Simple, other than the fact that this guy spent hours making these cardboard cut-outs. I really enjoy how raw it feels and the creativity and time it must've taken to make it. An example that if you invest time and patience, you too, can have a really fun product to show for it.

LUSHLIFE "MAGNOLIA" [DIR. LAMAR+NIK] from LAMAR+NIK on Vimeo.


ENJOI!

Catty Clams

You know I always found it funny how catty females can be. And it really is quite humorous. As if your silence, will send direct signals of your dislike for me and I'm going to scatter away with my tail between my legs. I don't give a thousand fucks about the way you or any of your "high school musical" friends feel towards me. You're pretentious, materialistic, fad-jumping, diet-taking, Anthropology-shopping, full of shit-having, hipster--but don't call me a hipster--wannabe, fake ass, stupid bitches.
I wish I could punch you in your Bare Minerals covered, time-wasting face!

Thank you for your eyes and your time.

That's all I have to say about that.

Top 20 Song Discoveries of 2012

I'd like to begin my stating that my biggest discovery of 2012* is definitely my babylove, but musically I've been blessed with learning of such great sounds**. Sometimes it's easy to forget about new and upcoming, "hip" music--what with it changing every 5 minutes and all..

I tend to forget that there's music after 2005. What's on the radio, sure, I'm familiar with it. But I'm not even sure myself if I like it because it's beaten into my mind, or because I genuinely like it. Which is why I'm such a huge fan of making playlists for people***. A person, whether you know them or getting to know them, gives you a collection of songs they think you'll enjoy or they themselves enjoy, and you either get it or you don't. Was that a run-on? Ugh, I can't tell anymore. Either the music speaks to you or it goes over your radar. And it's as simple as that.

If you get it, then you're opened up to a whole new artist or group, band--what have you. A whole new album or string of albums. And who knows, maybe even an entire new genre!

If you don't get it, well, you continue to stay and live in your own drab existence of the same old melodic bullshit. Not that it's bullshit completely, but it's safe and typical****. Of yourself, that is.. ha! And where's the fun in that? No growth? No experimenting? No... expansion? Bleh. No fun!! Is what that is. But back to the fun part of 'getting it'----

If your ears love what they hear once they're graced with new music, it can become a precedent for that moment or that year. The same way certain parts of your life can have smells. A song can transport you right back to a place and time, to a special moment or series of events. So in the height of my amazing year, I wanted to reflect a bit and give you/myself a run down on my top 20 musical discoveries of 2012. I'm SURE I'm leaving out some artists*****. And I even cheated a bit by doubling up on songs. So... there it is:


1. Friendly Driver - "You're A Legend, Sir"

2. For The Foxes - "Where The Heartache Is" // "Moonlight Ride"

3. The Front Bottoms - "Maps" // "Flashlight" // "Father"

4.  Two Door Cinema Club - "Undercover Martyn" // "What You Want"

5. Gaslight Anthem - "Boomboxes and Dictionaries" // "We Came To Dance"

6. The Naked and Famous - "Punching In A Dream"

7. Wale // Fab - "Diced Pineapples" // "Diced Pineapples Remix"

8. Digitalism - "Pogo"

9. Rihanna - "You Da One" // "We Found Love" // "Diamonds"

10. Stars - "The Theory of Relativity" // "Elevator Love Letter"

11. Maps & Atlases - "Winter" // "Remote & Dark Years" // "Silver Self"

12. Blue Sky Black Death - "Days Are Years" // "Honestly" // "Tokyo Underground"

13. CCS - "Let's Make Love & Listen To Death From Above"

14. Memoryhouse - "To The Lighthouse" (remix)

15. Bensh - "Doubt" // "Sweet Repeater"

16. Sigur Ros - "Untitled 4" // "Olsen Olsen"

17. Suckers - "Black Sheep"

18. The Daylights - "I Hope This Gets To You"

19. Of Monsters and Men - "Little Talks"

20. Stateless - "Bloodstream"

Whatever-the-case, Merry New Year Folks!

*and quite possibly of my entire life
**also due to my beautiful discovery of a certain male counterpart. 
***mixtapes, back in my day.
****And for fuck's sake don't you get tired of replaying the same 6 albums? I don't care how good they are. Every album needs a break at SOME point!
*****Animal Collective, Cloud Nothings, Flying Lotus, The Antlers, How To Dress Well, etc, etc, ETC!!