Invictus

 Out of the night that covers me,

      Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

      I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

      Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

      How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul. 

 

                                     --William Ernest Henley

I Never Liked Anything Temporary

Unemployed, no longer, am I!

Chipotle was gracious enough to hire me and give me a shot. One that I really am grateful for, so I accepted it. I do need money. It does make the world go round. It is the root of all evil. Yet, sadly we all need it to "survive"*. I digress.    But money, essentially, cannot buy happiness. So when I find myself so disheartened at the amount that I'm getting, I feel like "one of them". The sort of person that runs their life on ranking, style or class. Instead of the type of person that allows love, peace and unity to run their life--which I know I am.

I suppose it's simply the backpedaling. That has something to do with it for sure. Although, it isn't as if I wasn't prepared to take that on. I guess once the realization latched on and set in, I looked around myself and saw a reality I didn't enjoy. A subtle, but very constant urge to throw my face into the fryer. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or regretting my decision, I'm just pessimistically hopeful.

When I think about the pay cut I'm taking and the lack of independence I have, I wanna backflip into a concrete wall. And I don't even know how to backflip! It makes me wanna learn how to backflip, perfect it, seek out the sturdiest concrete wall, measure the diameter, and then backflip into it.

But there are children making twenty-five cents an hour in some factory elsewhere. The gentle Buddhist in me keeps telling myself that. In addition to the friends back home that make me feel better and reminds me that this is only temporary.

KENNETH: You look yourself in the face dammit and tell yourself that you are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHRIS: Keep working hard and good things will come. I'm trying to be more positive, maybe I can borrow some from you, but I still think about killing people almost daily. People suck everyday. I might just sell 10-12 guitars and just leave: aimlessly.

YOURS TRULY:  I have plenty of positivity to spare. Got some "back-up generators" set for the collapse of my patience.

I'm doing what I got to, to do what I want to...


It's as simple as that.







*Because that's how humans made it thousands of years, right?
**The next entry will be the poem he was referencing to. ^^The one above this one.

No Time But The Present

Being unemployed and having extra time on my hands has gotten me a-thinking about stuff. How is it that back in high school, when I was doing homework, projects, working a part-time job, having a boyfriend, cutting classes and being an insomniac, did I have the time to be artistic?* I find that pretty funny because now that I have all the time in the world, it seems like I have no time to let my creative mind flow. I used to be broke and inspired. Now--well I'm still broke, only uninspired. Maybe it was knowing that I had my entire life ahead of me that encouraged me to try to execute my dreams. And it's not that I don't still have an entire lifetime before me, I just mean, my motivation to actually do has shot down tremendously. Maybe not being challenged by my peers, or not having the means to bring these dreams of mine to life is what began my slow but steady journey to Lazy-Assville. Meh. Maybe not. Plenty of people, with much less, have succeeded in being fruitful with their attempts to make their dreams come true. It's just about trying. Or as Master Yoda would say, "Do or do not."

I must say, I've been doing an awful lot of  "do not-ing" for a shitload of years**. Living my life and being led around on a leash by my heart, sure, but maybe all of that was material for me to use later. Now, later!*** I'm gonna get back on top of this. I really am. Starting by retyping and editing my script, "Sex, Drugs & Cartoons". Here I go. I'm going off to do it.





*I guess the being an insomniac part took care of that wonder.
**4 years to be exact.
**Shout out to Now-&-Laters' for being so godamn delicious.