Happy About 'Nothing'

I've spent one of the best weekends with myself! After such a busy week, filled with running around, finger numbing chores* and lack of sleep--taking time for me has never been so much fun. There were a few different factors in making such happiness possible.

Having no obligations is a wonderful feeling. I don't really enjoy timelines or appointments. I like to keep my own time and know that wherever I am, that's where I need to be. Even the fun things that I'm scheduled to do, there's something very.. Hmm, I dunno... almost anxious about "being on time" and the anticipation of waiting for it to begin or the anxiety of being late, and having missed something. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Whatever-the-case,

I'm laying on my bed, belly down, knees bent and feet fluttering in the air behind me. Frank Sinatra is echoing off of my bedroom walls. I just watched the sunrise on Memorial Day and I have a great feeling of satisfaction and contentment. I suppose doing nothing all weekend can do that to you. But it wasn't just ANY kind of 'nothing'! It was the "entire house to yourself, sing out loud, drink at 10 a.m., clear your mind, stay in & watch as many movies (without needing to negotiate what kind), masturbate in between every film, sleep if you feel the random urge, order take-away, pour yourself wine & cook yourself steak--all while smoking yourself into a happy oblivion" sort of nothing. And that's a pretty good nothing if you ask me.









*not in the good way

I've arrived!

Sleeping in for an extra hour is just one of the perks of living in the city. Everything's right around the corner, and if it isn't, it's a nice scenic walk down a couple streets. I love my city. To anyone who has read this blog, I'm sure you realize this.

I'm still getting a few things in order for my room*, but all in all, I'm pretty much moved in. Give or take a few of my favorite books, posters, DVD's and of course my trusty television. My life has been so busy lately I haven't actually noticed my room being void of all these things. I literally, go to work and then once work is said & done, I've either been working on wedding stuff for friends or cooking for the fellas I live with, or writing to a special someone**, or writing up some skits and/or filming them. Haven't exactly   had a chance to throw myself into decorating my space. I've got a dresser I've been gluing shit to for the last 2 or 3 weeks. I've also got a lovely piece of furniture waiting to be moved into my room, but seeing as it's about 5 or 6 miles away from where I live, finding someone to help me move it there will be harder than a virgin's cock while watching porn. So there we have it.

But so far the city has been treating me well. I expected nothing less. My short stint in C. City in December was a bust. This place is eons better. Though Gable isn't "allowed" where I'm currently residing, I have a feeling that can be changed in a few short months when we're scouting for another roommate.

Tonight's menu is looking like a bottle of Merlot, some tying of wedding invites, singing while doing so, and a nice little treat I like to call Thai delivery.

Some people just have it made...

:-/


*okay a lot of few things.
**this is a favorite part of my day

That Spark

Eyes lock in place, as I approach you from afar.
Spaces between getting smaller, such shine does the stars.
Twinkling above the blue day sky,
Our hands touch first--oh me, oh my!
 Electric jolts rush, filling us with light,
Before the very first touch, I knew that we'd be right.
Such wit & charm, spreading like a positive infection,
Longing for your arms, I've never quite had this connection.
Did you feel that spark, or was it just me?
Pitted patter goes the heart, look at my chest, I'm sure you'll see.
Staring through each other, we smile with delight.
Knowing of our intentions, we rush off to take flight.
I don't wanna drink, nor do I wanna eat,
I want the moment right before both of our lips meet.

My Other

Maybe it's the way you speak those words to me. Or it could be the way you simply exist in your amazing world. I want to join it. I want to join you and all your glory in such a way, that makes the birds sing and the Earth turn, in such a way that makes colors more vibrant and songs worth singing. I want to sing to you. Serenade your eyes and ears with my vocals and praise the day you were born. Praise the day you responded to me. And very soon, praise the day our eyes lock and our lips meet.

Who is this person? Where did he come from? Well quite obviously he must've been 'shot through with starlight'. Inspiration and adoration springing from his fingers, the middle of his forehead and the left side of his chest. A being quite worthy of worship and lionization. A being so incredibly amazing that it took me 26 years and some change to find him. Maybe we weren't ready to meet before. Don't you hate it when you find someone you want to be with forever but the timing is off? I do--did. Because all of that bad timing shit that I spoke of before is completely irrelevant now, because it all lead to the source of my current happiness. It all lead to this person. This person that has transformed my idea of what I want, need and deserve.

Dangling over the abyss by a fucking thread, he pulls me in. Brushing the hair away from my frightened eyes, he reassures that I'll never need to take that leap again. I'll never need to settle or to be 'out there' wondering where "he", my other, is. For he's arrived. And he's arrived in the most complex of situations. I promised myself, never again. Never again can I do the long distance thing. I did it for years and the miles ripped through the relationship like it was tissue paper. But that relationship had "trouble" written all over it before he even left Philly.
How rotten would it be to punish another for the deeds of an unworthy man? How rotten would it be to punish myself?! To deny such a connection that wakes me from sleep and stirs my soul like a pot of warm soup. Incredulous thoughts has surfaced, but no longer. Why be cynical about something that feels so right? No sir, I'm not going to be like the rest. I can believe that good can come to me because I deserve it. Of all the wrong doings that has been done to me, I feel that meeting this person has corrected it all. And I'll graciously accept this gift from the stars as an apology for all that crap. Let's consider us even, Karma. I've grown out of that 'figuring myself out' cocoon and my effervescent wings have spread to make such a beautiful palette.

A palette I'm ready to share. With him. And only him.