Believe in What??

So... with macaroni and cheese stuck to these keyboards, I will describe to the best of my memory, how it felt to move--very eruptly--into these new walls. And man, was it an adjustment. I didn't appreciate it. The newness. The clean, white, unadjusted, unlived, inexperienced walls. And I was very reluctant to accept it. But alas, I had to.

Much as I chugged before beginning this paragraph, I was prepared and had to accept the consequences of a new spot. I was willing, (as much as i was unwilling), and gradually got use to it. And to be completely honest, I'm still not use to being alone and lonely. Which is one in the same, really. ugh. Here I am again, rambling. I have nothing really to say, then again i have much--but as far as this blog goes...not really. Sometimes I just want to rant, and to be honest that's what this shit is for.

Ever notice how SHIT and This have similar letters. the same EXACT Fucking letters. maybe that means that "this" in ANY context is actually "shit'.. hahah You think?? hah Maybe not.

Either way, I've been working on a script that should sum up my high school years in about 45 minutes. I'm hoping it's not a sham and actually makes sense. (My beer is warm now. warmer than what I'd normally like.)

I must go. This entry has no purpose. Just drunken rambles and singing insanity.



i apologize to the 3 people that tune in. This holds nothing but... nothing but, well.... shit.


better to be proceded.

If Walls Could Talk.

I remember the feeling I had as I walked into the second floor apartment and slowly moved my stuff in from the basement. There was this sense of sadness because it felt like I was leaving my "teenage/high school" years behind. Which I was. Yet still I was so excited, because of the new life I was going to live. Which I did. That time of my life even has it's own smell. Every chapter does, though.

My walls have seen almost everything. Man, when I think about it my mind almost goes into overload. The amount of people at one time. The number of different people. The ones that were permanent fixtures. The ones that weren't. It was quite a time. And for the past four years this has been where I call home. My home. The cool kitchen floor against my hot drunken cheek. Or the couches me & Jess so frequently pouted on due to our horny and loneliness. All of our roommates and their issues, (Kirby puking in the couch & sleeping in it). Themed parties, straight boys kissing, indoor ollying, x cherry popping, streaking, vodka waterfalls and naked manginas. My apartment literally has seen it all.

I won't say too much more, because if my walls could talk, I don't believe they'd want me spending too much time grieving over leaving them behind. We had a magnificent run and shared uber special moments and memories. Seriously, words cannot express how much laughter has been exchanged in this place. I could develop abs from how much we would laugh.
Yep, it was something awfully special.

Friday I say goodbye to my longtime friend and will say hello to a new set of walls. I wonder what new experiences we'll have together. I find myself feeling the same way I did when I moved into my first apartment. This time is a little harder I must say though. I'm leaving the nest and the familiarity I've grown to love about my crappy small apartment. All the suckiness, happiness, laughter, boredom, bitterness, anymosity, drunken times, drunken tears, busted laptops, party friends... all the pizza boxes, delicious ham dinners, horniness, masturbating interruptions, witches across the street and late night conversations that saved each others sanity....

Nostalgic is an understatement.

Effortlessly Memorable.

Can you remember back when you were half your age? Can you remember what you wanted to be and what you wanted to achieve by a certain age? I can. And I'm sure many of you can as well. (Because I have many people tuning in...) It really hasn't been that long, despite what feels like centuries. Growing up throws all these random twists and turns and new interests and addictions your way. It's all about side-stepping and/or overcoming the obstacles.
I definitely know a thing or two about hurdling landmines. Enter; this article.

Seeing as how I've procrastinated a large portion of my life and have recently been getting shit together piece by piece, I'm realizing that the ride itself, may not have been in vain. I've got lots of shit to say, about many things, important, trivial or otherwise. Lots to say and nothing all at the same time.Like a quiet drunken old man sitting at the far end of a bar, keeping to himself. He won't bother anyone, but if you entertain him with conversation he'll spill words of wisdom. Amazing words of life and unbiased experience, with nothing to show for it except for an imaginary degree in Life & Love. Enter; myself.

The purpose of this blog, is because I'm auditioning tomorrow against all of these Philadelphia/King of Prussia/Jersey Devil chick-a-dicks in a talent competition if you will. My plan is to be completely uncaring, (even though, we all know I do), because that has been a great factor for getting notice, I've discovered. Going into auditions primped up and vaseline teethed out doesn't get me anywhere. However, showing up sick and snotty or tipsy and nonchalant, gets me modeling contracts--so upon further inspection I've decided to show up tomorrow, 4 beers in and 3 Tequila shots down. I think I'll make the perfect impression. Alcoholic? Call it what you will. I have a talent, it's the perception of being whomever I decide to be depending on the role. I'm called an actor. My level of dedication shouldn't be miscontrued with normalcy.

Let's light the fireworks and see how far I get.

Effortlessly Memorable.

Can you remember back when you were half your age? Can you remember what you wanted to be and what you wanted to achieve by a certain age? I can. And I'm sure many of you can as well. (Because I have many people tuning in...) It really hasn't been that long, despite what feels like centuries. Growing up throws all these random twists and turns and new interests and addictions your way. It's all about side-stepping and/or overcoming the obstacles.

I definitely know a thing or two about hurdling landmines. Enter; this article.

Seeing as how I've procrastinated a large portion of my life and have recently been getting shit together piece by piece, I'm realizing that the ride itself, may not have been in vain. I've got lots of shit to say, about many things, important, trivial or otherwise. Lots to say and nothing all at the same time.
Like a quiet drunken old man sitting at the far end of a bar, keeping to himself. He won't bother anyone, but if you entertain him with conversation he'll spill words of wisdom. Amazing words of life and unbiased experience, with nothing to show for it except for an imaginary degree in Life & Love. Enter; myself.

California Love

So I have officially decided. And it's fucking on!! I'm going, going back, back to Cali, Cali. I am fairly excited. Although it's one of those things that hasn't really set in yet. I'm still waiting for it to sink to the bottom. Finally, after two and a half years; a vacation. All time coming too. You'd think my honeymoon would've been a vacation for me, huh? If you can call it that.

I suppose I shouldn't officially say that it's official until I book my flight. And I cannot book my flight until I get up that extra two hundred dollars. Did you know flying roundtrip to San Diego isn't that expensive at all? I was shocked.
God, I can't wait for that soft sun (I hope it's still soft), sandy beach, breezy air and lovely tacos from Pedro's. I am completely elated that Jena is having me as her guest and can't wait to drunkenly stumble on the sand.

It's going to be something.

Sleepless Insomnia

Ever wonder why you & your body still feel so incredibly tired even if you've gotten 8 hours of sleep, or maybe more? Well it's basically because your mind wants to be on auto-pilot for one reason or another. A Break-up, a test you haven't (or have) studied for, closure, exciting trip, etc. I always assumed that it was because of something like that, but of course, never looked too far into it.

So upon waking up at 1:30 AM today and forcing myself back to slumber, I asked my brain in its half wake mode why I felt so worn down despite the 9:45 bedtime retreat. I couldn't really get anything out of it but jumbles and different visuals from today. So back to sleep I went. Fortunately for Arden, I didn't get to sleep very long. His constant stratching at the door called for my immediate attention, so here I am at 5:29 AM writing about sleep deprivation and the reasons that cause it. Check this out;

"In animal sleep, a sloth sleeps 20 hours a day while a porpoise sleeps half a brain at a time. Birds do not sleep and rabbits and squirrels sleep 10-14 hours a day. People need a wide variation of sleep and can range from 1-10 hours a day. There is more need for sleep at birth, while as we age our sleep needs are less and lighter.
Sleep problems are a common symptom for people who are recovering from traumatic events. One's usual methods for falling asleep may no longer work. Disturbing thoughts of reenactment, rescue or reunion may interfere with one's sleep cycle. Nightmares and sleep terrors occur in response to adjusting to shattered realties."

Certainly explains a lot about my sleep behavior currently/recently and in the past. I suppose you can't blame it all on the ole noggin and its busy activities. It can be asinine reasons such as your fucking stupid piece of shit clock that seems to click like a car crash every second, or maybe just the reality of the silent minutes mounting on your LCD alarm clock. Maybe it's the full bladder of your obedient cat, or the persistant doubt & regret that's always been in the pit of your stomach.

Whatever's keeping you up tonight or tomorrow night, just invest in some Dewar's Scotch. You may trade insomnia in for alcohol abuse--but at least you got some sleep lastnight.

Broken Down; Laughter

Laughter: An audible expression, or appearance of merriment, or happiness, or an inward feeling of joy and pleasure (laughing on the inside). It may ensue (as a physiological reaction) from jokes, tickling and other stimuli.

"Drugs, such as Cannabis, can also induce episodes of strong laughter. Strong laughter can sometimes bring an onset of tears or even moderate muscular pain. Laughter is a part of human behavior regulated by the brain. It helps humans clarify their intentions in social interaction and provides an emotional context to conversations. Laughter is used as a signal for being part of a group — it signals acceptance and positive interactions with others. Laughter is sometimes seemingly contagious, and the laughter of one person can itself provoke laughter from others as a positive feedback This may account in part for the popularity of laugh tracks in situation comedy television shows.

The Laughter Effect
The feeling when an individual observes or hears a majority of the group laughing, but the individual doesn't find the subject matter that the group is laughing at funny. Therefore the individual fakes a laugh so nobody ask individual why individual didn't think it was funny or feel left out from the majority of the group. Either that or the individual didn't understand the joke so the individual plays along. "

isn't that neat?